And 8 years ago, my godson, Noah, was born.
I remember being in college at MC in 2007. I think I had a class at 10, so I was still in bed, drifting in and out of consciousness. I remember I had a flip phone at the time. Right after 8:30, I felt my phone ring under my pillow, and when I saw my best friends name, I KNEW what she was going to tell me. It was the first thought that popped into my head. There was no other reason she'd be calling me that early, because I knew she didn't work until later that day.
I knew she was going to tell me she was pregnant. Before I even answered, I was so excited. I felt like it was the best news ever. I wanted to jump for joy. I wanted to celebrate! I didn't know why I felt so much joy over the news, because I knew this was not, in fact, good news. It was devastating news, and the last thing you want is for someone you love to be hurting.
Because things were complicated. This wasn't a part of the plan. It wasn't supposed to happen.
But it did. Noah happened.
Now, I'm not saying anything here that isn't already known. There were a lot of private struggles for a lot of people at the time Noah came to be, and it's not my place to share them.
I remember the day he was born was a long one. There were quite a few people in the waiting room, excited to finally see him. He finally arrived that evening, and of course, the delivery room was filled with anxious family and friends, each taking their turn holding him and admiring him.
Once things died down, I remember asking if I should leave or stay. I was asked to stay, because no one else would be there until after 3am. So for several hours, I sat in the dim room in the rocking chair with brand new Noah. He was so precious and small and perfect. I remember smiling because he cooed in his sleep. I changed his first diaper, and I got to give him a bottle because his delivery was a hard one, and his momma desperately needed to sleep.
Around 3:30, a new set of arms arrived to snuggle Noah, so I dragged myself home. I was even more excited because it was snowing. For some reason, I took a picture of Noah's birthday weather.
I loved being a part of his life. I've always loved babies and have been a baby hog, and things aligned just right to create the unique relationship I had with him. I was in college, living with my dad, so I could come and go as I pleased. I spent so much time with him, at his house and at mine, running errands, seeing friends with him. I'm blessed to have many special children in my life. They each hold a different part of my heart. Each relationship is unique.
I've always loved being Noah's Riri. I loved that even when he hit the stage where it wasn't cool to show someone you were excited to see them, his tough facade cracked when I walked in the door as he would break into a big grin and squeal "riri!" before composing himself, and pretending he never said it. It was so great that even as he got older, he'd always tell me he loved me when I had to go home.
I wish I hadn't taken those first few birthday parties for granted. Hindsight is 20-20. It leaves you wishing you'd done a lot of things differently. And it makes you realize why you felt certain things, like why I was so excited when I learned of his existence. Because he really was something to be excited about. His birth changed so many things for so many people. He brought many people together, and a beautiful family formed around him. God knew exactly what He was doing when He created Noah. He set in motion a chain of events that no one could have predicted. He changed hearts and lives.
He's the reason I'm still struggling so hard with losing my best friend. Because I didn't just lose a friend. I lost my Noah Bear too. I realize that he's only my "godson" because his mommy said he is. There's nothing concrete about that. I know I have no real "claim" to him. But he has a claim to part of my heart. And it will always be his. Once you love someone, that love doesn't go away. It may grow, change, or fade, but it doesn't disappear.
I don't know that I'll be invited to another of his birthday parties. I didn't know that his 7th birthday was my last chance to celebrate his birthday with him. No one could have known it would be his last birthday to celebrate with his entire family before his Mimi passed away. I hope and pray he doesn't feel like anything is missing today. I hope his party this year was so much fun, he didn't even notice anyone missing.
I'd planned on getting him his own set of real paint brushes, acrylics, and paper this year. He's always loved to draw, and usually had a drawing to show me when I would visit. I was the same kind of crafty kid, so I always appreciated that in him. I know he gets it from his Mimi, and I hope he does learn how to paint like she did.
Noah Bear. I hope you have a wonderful birthday today. You're loved more than you know.
